You my girl, will never cry (except for once) !

It was another romantic evening in Bangalore as the Sun was taking a dive into the fading sky. Oh what an evening it was ! The faint drizzle had created an atmosphere of utter romance and the smell of rain and mud filled one with inner joy. 

It was half past six as Ashmit and Rishika were probably meeting for one last time. The poor 18 year old guy didn't know what he was going to face in the upcoming 30 minutes. 2 years back, in the same spot with a letter in his right hand, a fragrant red rose in his left and a heart filled with utter passion and zero lust he had told her the words "I love you Rishika. Until the sun stops adorning the morning sky, the moon stops gleaming on the dark night sky and until February has 30 days, my love for you will never cease". Impressed by his words and his tenderness, she had told yes back then. But things had drifted apart between them. Rather, both were going along in the same direction. She was going away from him into the wild where nothing good came up and he like an innocent fawn went along the path traced by her searching for all those little things that had bonded them. Yes, it was their 2nd anniversary. November 14th it was and those memories ran past him.

She came, as usual twenty minutes late. Dressed in a black one piece, she came. He by then had ordered a decent evening meal. With a wry smile, she said "Hi Ashmu.." and continued Whatsapping her "best friend". Over the next few minutes, silence filled the posh Taj West End located on the sprawling Race Course road of Bangalore. Extremely hurt, he asked whether she could stop texting for a while and spend the evening with him instead. Not caring for his feelings and with zero emotions in her eye, she looked up at him and told him that she wanted to tell him something. He nodded as two pizzas, two slices of chocolate cake and a bottle of country made champagne arrived.

Taking a sip of the champagne from the glass she muttered "Ashmu, you are great guy but we can no longer be together. I no longer see you that way and I have another boy friend. Thanks for all times and I am sorry but this cannot happen." The world crashed around him as tiny drops of tears fell from his previously happy eyes. His throat choked as he tried to speak. Taking the last sip of the champagne and leaving the food untouched, she left with a brutal smile on her lips. He saw her walk away from his life, as he fell deep into the well of sadness. Placing 14 crisp 500 rupee notes on the bill, he left as all his emotions, feelings and thoughts had fallen into the deepest abyss. 

It was half past ten on a chilly night as he reached his PG on his Activa. He slowly trudged along the steps. He unlocked his house and directly reached for his fridge. He gulped down two bottles of Fosters and drank Scottish whiskey until the night no longer made sense to him. He passed out on the couch with his shirt half unbuttoned and shoes still on. 

He was in deep slumber until he was woken up by the violent knocking of the door by his maid. Pissed off, she roughed him up for not opening the door fast enough. Annoyed by the alcohol stench and the dirty glasses she mumbled a few unmentionables to herself. 

Smelly, unkempt and heart broken, he didn't know what to do. His heart bled, his senses not functioning properly and his mind filled with her thoughts, he wanted closure. At a corner of his heart, he knew it wasn't happening. He knew he would never move on. He had the uncontrollable urge to let all his feelings out. With a pen and paper in his hand, he decided to write one last letter to her.

          "Dearest Rishu,

                              Maybe you are right. Everything between us is over. Yes, both of us were in love. But we were in love with the same person. You loved yourself too much to care about my feelings and i did that too. I loved you more than you loved yourself. All along in the last few weeks, I knew we had problems. But, i never thought it would end. And above all I never knew a third person was causing them. Since its all over, let me just tell you why I actually fell for you.

                              Lets go back to 2012, when i asked you to be mine. With the most cutest smile on your face, you said yes. You still had the same smile yesterday, but the meaning behind it completely different. Both of them killed me, in different ways ! We came a long way from that day, we had our fights, our cuddles, our hugs in the pouring rain and also the selfless sharing of pain ! What was it that i didn't give you sweetheart ? I gave you my life, i took care of you like my right eye and i even gave up the football finals to be with you when you were down with flu. i took you the nicest places, bought you your favorite jewelry and gave you the chocolates you love the most. Above all, i took the oath of honesty, the oath of love - to never let go of you in the toughest situations and love you irrespective of who you were and never to make you cry. Yes, I still love you and I can never and will never find another you.
                             Exactly two weeks back, during our last walk, you asked me a question "What is it that you see in me ? " If you do remember, I told you that words cannot explain the reason. Sadly, I am putting it on paper for you. When I see your eyes, I see the world's happiness in it. I see mother nature's glory in it. When I see your lips, I see mother nature's adorable naughtiness in it. When I see your smile, I fall into a world of happiness with musicians from paradise playing and some of the most loveliest apsaras dancing while the most beautiful of them is standing in front of me. When I hear you talk, it feels like a thousand pearls fall on brilliant marble ! When I first saw you I was like "Oh my god that girl ! Thank you god for sending this princess down here to mesmerize me ! " When I saw you walk, your gait showed mother nature's genius in sculpting. Your attitude, your cute naughtiness, your rare stupidity, your red face when you were angry, your perfection, your all took me on a tour of  the heavens. There you go. You have your answer.
                       During all times we spent, I never even thought in my wildest dreams that it was going to end like this. One word from your mouth, i would have tried solving the issues. But you preferred silence ! I have changed so much for you, one word from you and i would have changed more ! Lastly, the things i have given you, the love I showered you with, the affection and tenderness i gave you, the way i bore you in your toughest times, your new guy can never do any of these. You and me are meant to be together. Bye.


with infinite amount of love,
Ashmit  "


He emptied his heart on this piece of paper. Drenched with tears, the paper was put into a envelope and the address of  the house where she lived with her sister was written. He took his two wheeler and went to the nearest post office and dropped it off there. Empty inside and immersed in her thoughts, he carelessly drove his vehicle on the wide main road of  Sadashivnagar. A lorry driven by a drunken driver came on the wrong side and rear ended his two wheeler. His head hit the road divider and he was killed on the spot due to severe head injuries.


 She came to his house as she heard the news. She saw his smashed head and bloodied bandages. She wept and wept. At the same time, a post man who was ignorant of all the happenings dropped the letter with a merry song in his mouth. Finally, fate had its say.




Life is too short to ignore the people who love you. Instead of running behind a person who doesn't care for you as much or a person who doesn't know what true love is, shower double the love on the person who worships your very existence. Physical beauty fades over the passage of time, but true love, care and affection will stay on even as decades and perhaps even centuries pass by !



______ Humanity is my religion, Indian my identity.

That Moment When You Miss and Want Someone So Badly

(This probably might be my worst write up. In this blog, i go on to write how much missing and waiting for people hurt.)


Its Saturday night. The clock strikes 10 PM. The brilliant night has set in and Bangalore is be ginning to fall asleep. As the moon light glorifies the night sky, lights at homes are switched off and many people are beginning to snuggle into their warmest blankest. A part of them are searching for a proper footpath also(sad isn't it) .
    As i stand on my terrace, looking at the magnificent night life, a wave of thoughts cut through my mind. The cool breeze while cooling my night dose of green tea, it cracks my brittle heart even more. With every minute passing by, i become more and more restless. In some corner of the same city, she in her night gown is Whatsapping her boyfriend about their next date. Her brilliant face comes in front of me, gives me that teasing smile and goes away again. Her beautiful hair, which reminded me of the brilliant jog falls was all that i could think off. My red eyes hadn't slept for days, my hair looked like unkempt grass and my mind had turned into an absolute nut case.
    As the night sky drew darker, i was becoming crazier. I missed her, i wanted her the most in life. Till now, in life i hadn't demanded a single thing(except when i was a child), and when i finally wanted something in life passionately, i wasn't going to get it. Sad isn't it ?  That is when i realized something, life is just a cruel joke which god plays on a few jobless souls in paradise. He just sends them to this round mass of nature and watches the great puppet show. He just puts in us the abstract thing called feelings and watches the game. He doesn't realize how much of pain it can cause in an individual.
    When you want someone badly, every iota of their entity manages to charm you, and sometimes pain you. When you miss them, the arrows of pain pierce through your heart. The blood drops of hurt falls down, when you want someone to clean them up for you, you don't find anybody. You realize that there are somewhere in this world caring for everything else but your feelings. They neglect you, giving zero chance to who you are, what you think of them and how much you care for them.
  The pain of separation is known only to the separatee, not the separator(these words don't exist). Missing someone is a ball game of two, with two situations. one, both miss and want each other and two, one wants the other badly and the other doesn't seem to perturbed. I can go one forever with these thoughts, but i prefer to stop.
  With these thoughts in mind, i left the terrace and got down to reach my house. A long night was in the beckoning. A long, long night. A happy man is a man who sleeps well. When sleep begins to elude a person, he must realize that its a bad omen. I knocked the door of my house and i was given a rousing welcome by my parents with a over flowing river of words. I ignored it and went to bed. Bed was another pain in the neck. I twisted and turned in my bed, but sleep never came. I afflicted by her thoughts, the magic of her words, her beautiful laughter, her enrapturing smile, the gleam of her white teeth all bought pain and tears to me. Why wouldn't she want me ?? What is she doing ?? What is her hairstyle ?? what is the colour of her night gown ?? These sort of questions, though trivial and childish are thought about the most by a guy in want of his girl. My eyes were filled with tears. literally.
  Sleep eluded me, but it came anyway. 4 hours of sleep and i was up at 5 AM on a Sunday morning. For a man, who used to sleep like a hibernating animal, it was quite surprising. Morning was there and it was another carnival of sadness and misery. A good morning text is what i wanted, but what i got was a restraining order and a whatsapp block. Her thoughts continued to fill me and caused more and more hurt. She on the other hand was planning a brunch date in the leela palace with her beau wearing the best of clothes and the happiest of smiles. Breakfast seemed like a heap of bitter medicine and my favorite filter coffee felt like a cough syrup. My hope in life was gone, because of one person.
   As the day progressed, i messed up almost everything that came my way. I spilt orange juice on the couch, crashed my mother's galaxy S, i accidentally broke my grand father's spectacles and had a bad fall on the stairs. All these were the causes of a disturbed mind, an erratic thinking path and a stream of sad thoughts. This is how much a single person can actually manage to trouble you.
   Many a day passed like this, i became droopy, lost all hope in life and became mad. I wanted a new lease of life.



I am now going to end this piece of writing on a abrupt without a proper ending and a solution for such a situation.

According to me, the only solution in such a situation is doing what you love or anything which will change your thinking.

Human relations is like new puppy you get home. You need to take care of it till it reaches a stage when it can take care of it on its own. When a relationship(not necessarily boy-girl) reaches a certain stage, it will drift along the path best for it. Until then, one must make a proper effort to save it. If it doesn't work out even then, it means it doesn't have destiny's permission to continue.


( THE ABOVE STORY IS FICTION FROM START TO END)